Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I Hate to Do It, But....


Is a.....

Well duh!! You might say. And to you who say that I say, "I know right?" But dammit all! I really wanted to see this film! I adore Juliet Lewis, like Drew Barrymore, I can stomach Ellen Page enough to watch a film about the very intriguing sport of Roller Derby, and I was excited to see a nice "Girl Power" film. Alas, it was as corny as an Ohio field, and almost as long, oh, and twice as boring.

Did it have some good moments? Yes. What movie doesn't? The Roller Derby scenes are exciting and fast-paced, some of the characters were amusing like the seldom seen Wilson brother's character Razor and Ellen Page's character Bliss' best friend Pash and coworker Birdman.

The problem is, the parts of this movie that fell short of being generally okay were horribly contrived. Everything was too simple. And corny. And everything got wrapped up in a cute little boring, linear, predictable, amateur bow.  A bow shooting laser beams of bore at everyone from atop a large pile of corn.


Movie snob! Yes, I am weird about movies. I pick them apart as I watch them, as I enjoy them, and when I am unable to find anything badly done, badly written, implausible; when I can safely say that a film is not laden with unbearable saccharine sweetness---I can deem it good.

However, it's all my opinion. Some people, those who like bad movies, might have loved Whip It!

Also, don't think I don't take into account the fact that I tend to gravitate toward darker fare, therefore a feel good Simple Simon film like Whip It! isn't my cup of tea in the first place. All I know is after being subjected to a five minute long scene of Bliss and her love interest doing synchronized swimming moves underwater while making out, I lost all interest and began wandering about my house doing some cleaning of all things, and eventually I ended up sitting in front of my laptop and writing a blog post about it in the last quarter of the movie.

So yeah. Cornfest Supreme. Stay away. Unless you like corn, in which case you should Netflix this film as fast as your fingertips allow!!

Peacy Weacy!!